Monday, December 18, 2006

Friday, December 08, 2006

Who thinks this stuff up?

Just thought I'd give everyone a glimpse of what unity across nations and generations can look like for Christmas 1977:



Bing died just over a month after this was recorded.

Monday, November 20, 2006

One of these days I'll actually write something...

but for now, here's another bunch of pictures:

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Beatiful, beautiful, beautiful...

...beautiful boy...

I have heard to public cry for photos and have answered. I stuck the new ones in a new album (cleverly labeled "volume 2") since the first web album is almost at 100 pictures. Ah, photography in the digital age!
Just click the photo to see the album:

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Hello to Opa & Nana



(Dial-up users, click here to download the mp4 file)

Finn in the swing



(Dial-up users click here for the mp4 file)

Friday, October 20, 2006

More photos

Click on the picture to see our web album to date:

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

That's my boy!

Let me introduce to you Finnan James Lochbihler


Born October 17, 2006, at 3:20pm (Atlantic Time)
8 lbs, 3.5 ou

I'll post more pictures and info when I've got some more time... which may be never now that I'm a father. We'll see.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

It's a...

Well, we don't know quite yet. Probably sometime today, though, as we're being induced and all at 7:30am Atlantic time.
More to come later... though I may be too tired and giddy to make sense.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Every artist is a cannibal, every poet is a thief...

...All kill their inspiration and sing about their grief

I guess it has been a while since my last entry. However, I promised myself to make at least one post a month and so far I have kept that promise (and you, my friend, can take that to the bank).

This position of ministry I'm in is different from any other I've had. Sure it's my first official pastorate, but I've been a primary leader in different youth groups before. The thing is, the church here is like what my church growing up was like in the 80s and the youth exist in 2006. This isn't a problem. Outside of style, the senior pastor (Bob) is very forward thinking. In fact, having taken the position without candidating, it was a lot to do with how Bob and I clicked that got me to take the pastorate here. And that is great and very encouraging.

But back to the youth in '06... only about 20-30% of the kids who come to youth group with any sort of regularity attend the church. Out of that 20-30% (which works out to around 12) a few of them come on their own (ie: families don't attend). So what kind of make-up does that give the youth group? A lot of unchurched kids and families without a unified spiritual perspective. And you know what: that's awesome! At this point I'm not completely sure of which kids consider themselves Christians or not (and, as my Father-in-law would tell you, it's not as simple as a mappable conversion event). It's neat, though. Right now I'm trying to lead them through the Mars Hill phenomenon (make known the Unknown God). It's starting conversation and broadening perspectives regardless of context which is pretty much the primary goal of my life.

But I continually come back to thinking "how can I do this better?" And I have to be careful because sometimes that question comes out of a genuine desire for excellence for the sake of Christ... and sometimes that question comes from the fact that I'm the first full-time salary youth pastor at this church having followed many volunteer leaders and I want to make sure that everyone knows I'm earning my keep. And sometimes I clue in to the fact that I'm a pastor and that means that I need to be a pastor to these kids... and I begin to realize how natural that can be. Being their friend who doesn't judge them, stands up for them if they need it, offers spiritual advice/counsel without cramming Christianity down their throat... It's all about relationship--go and make disciples of all nations...

I don't really know what more to say. I'm kind of just spilling out thoughts so this may not even be a coherent post. That's me, though. Sometimes I'm focused and directed and, more often, other times I'm constantly scatter-brained and distracted. Guess that's why I'm a youth pastor. Oh yeah, now that I'm a pastor I've noticed a significant improvement in my golf game.

...It's no secret that the stars are falling from the sky
The universe exploded 'cause of one man's lie...

Friday, September 08, 2006

Not much to say today

M"Wait, wait a little while; the nasty man in black comes for you..."

So much to do, so much to do...

Oh well. Check this out. It might just make your day.

All right... back at it.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

I'm back...

And what of it?

Ok, what's with folk-rock? I mean, no one has ever heard of most of the people who do the folk-rock thing, and yet they're all pretty much awesome. Don't believe me? Check out Iron & Wine (particularly this song). Check out Ray Lamontagne.
Better yet, check out Obadiah Parker. These Arizonians not only do the folk-rock thing right, but they also throw in some funk and some spirituality. And hey, they aren't afraid to do unique covers:


Sweet, eh? And that's just one dude from the band.

Ok, here's a quote from a classic Russian novel (in English, of course). See if you can guess which one:

...You think I am attacking them for talking nonsense? Not a bit! I like them to talk nonsense. That's man's one privilege over all creation. Through error you come to the truth! I am a man because I err! You never reach any truth without making fourteen mistakes and very likely a hundred and fourteen. And a fine thing, too, in its way; but we can't even make mistakes on our own account! Talk nonsense, but talk your own nonsense, and I'll kiss you for it. To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's. In the first case you are a man, in the second you're no better than a bird. Truth won't escape you, but life can be cramped. There have been examples. And what are we doing now? In science, development, thought, invention, ideals, aims, liberalism, judgment, experience and everything, everything, everything, we are still in the preparatory class at school. We prefer to live on other people's ideas, it's what we are used to! Am I right, am I right?


Well, there you have it. Hey, if anyone out there has some webdesign ideas, check out oxfordyouth.org and clue me in.

Friday, August 11, 2006

What's happening...

I've always been fairly eclectic in my musical tastes (I'll even listen to Polka sometimes). However, I'm really getting into Hip-Hop these days. Mind you, I'm listening to artists like Gnarls Barkley, K-Os, Lupe Fiasco, and other alternatives to the mainstream.

Well, gotta finish writing this Sunday's sermon.
In regard to my last post, voila:

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Jesusland

Not going to say a lot today (currently working on finishing a sermon for tomorrow). Thought I would post the lyrics to a new[er] Ben Folds song, Jesusland. Also, here is a link to the video for this song. Enjoy:

Take a walk
out the gate you go and never stop
past all the stores and wig shops
quarter in a cup for every block
and watch the buildings grow
smaller as you go

Down the tracks
beautiful McMansions on a hill
that overlook a highway
with riverboat casinos and you still
have yet to see a soul

Jesusland
Jesusland

Town to town
broadcast to each house, they drop your name
but no one knows your face
Billboards quoting things you'd never say
you hang your head and pray

for Jesusland
Jesusland

Miles and miles
and the sun goin' down
Pulses glow
from their homes
You're not alone
Lights come on
as you lay your weary head on their lawn

Parking lots
cracked and growing grass you see it all
from offices to farms
crosses flying high above the malls
A longer walk

through Jesusland
Jesusland

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Semantics part “too”

Two posts ago I was rambling on about truth, absolutism, and some obscure ways of perceiving gossip. My good friend Gregg gave an interesting comment:

Truth is an interesting topic of discussion I think. It differs in first glance understanding from that of 'Good' and 'Evil'. In my opinion, it's easier to qualify an absolute in good and evil than it is in truth. However, I think it's pretty reasonable to say that there is absolute truth. I feel it's easier to LOSE absolute truth within a myriad of truths mixed with half-truths, mixed with lies. Kinda like reading Dan Brown's novels. Yet I think there has to be an absolute truth in the sense that truth can in fact be metered from complete to false. Now the real question should be what in our world views, and in Christianity can we actually hold up to the light and see straight through as absolutely true, without blemish...

Thanks Gregg. Now, being the editor of this little publication, I get to respond in kind.

I had a conversation similar to this a couple years ago in Regina, Saskatchewan. I was in a class of about six people called “Christianity and Contemporary Spiritualities.” It was the pilot of the course and so often quite open-ended in discussion (as such a class should be, anyway). Somewhere between trying to figure out the fulfilment people seek in New Age, Celtic, or Aboriginal spiritually we were discussing the force of culture.

Culture can be understood in different ways. Some see it as a hotbed of change, others as a vehicle of corruption. However, what we were talking about in that class was the idea of culture as a paradigm or local perspective. As is often the case in such discussions, my mind was freewheeling down all sorts of different ideas and questions. The one that made it out my mouth was both simplistic as well as complex: Does the Gospel exist--or can we even understand it--outside of culture?

How's that for disillusioned post-imperialism Incarnation theology? Well, for me, anyway, it was (and is) important and continually interesting. I greatly appreciate the sagacious and patient people who have not only intersected my own journey but helped direct it and are willing to entertain the ordered chaos of my thoughts. Bill McAlpine (PhD candidate) was the professor for that class and though he didn't really tell me anything mind-shattering in response to my question, he did clarify and affirm where that query was taking me.

First off, the Gospel was never meant to be culture-free. The Incarnation deals with that up front. There was no mistake, lack of foresight, or coincidence in the fact that Jesus Christ came as a first century Jew in the midst of philosophical and political unrest. The Apostle Paul understood this. In bringing the Gospel to Asia Minor he had to comprehend both the cultural ties Christ-following had to 2nd Temple Judaism as well as the different paradigm in which his contemporary Grecians would understand it.
*Please note, I'm embellishing detail upon how Bill responded as this question has been an ongoing discovery even now*

Now, I'm in the camp that thinks Constantine was as bad an experience for Christianity as the Crusades. I wont dwell on that. However, I will mention that from about 300CE on the spread of Gospel has moved in phases of the Church. That is, as Christianity takes root in a culture (being the dominant religion or a precept of the local politics) it naturally takes on aspects of that culture. I would even dare to say it “adapts.” The problem comes when the Gospel begins to spread into another culture after some time has passed. This is where we get into missiology and if you haven't heard of the movement of church planting by nationals then you need to read up.

The stereotypical imperialist missionary who brought Christianity to Africa brought it in the trappings of European culture. Unfortunately, the track record often shows that the European-ness was more important than the Gospel itself. What you end up with is a culturally bound Gospel that is no longer allowed to adapt and becomes a tool of assimilation. Just look at the residential schools debacle in Canada. “Christianity” became a shell for the warhead of “civilized-white-culture.”

Anyway, seeing as this post is way to long for anyone to actually care to read, I'll just finish off for you diligent skimmers. The Gospel: brought to us in cultural clothing; naturally adapts and spreads in the cultural vehicle; abused when restricted to any one culture. We need to remember that our understanding of truth (here I'm inferring the Gospel) is not absolute. However, its foundation is even though we do not have the capacity to understand or delineate it.
And so, Gregg, in more than a word, does that answer your question? Probably not. It doesn't even fully answer mine.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Swerving from the ordinary...

...into a bridge enbunkment...

Well, not to detract from the thoughts I've posted (or have yet to post) but I decided I would like to post this video.

Oh, if you were wondering what to get me for my birthday or Christmas, now you know.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Semantics & my own "ancient/future" ramblings

If you are familiar with the community movement known as Emergent then you will have an easier time figuring out what I'm talking about today (here is an interview done with some Emergent people by Relevant Magazine). As an article I was reading brings to light, some members of Emergent Village are criticized as being "too postmodern" in that they seem to reject absolute truth. However, (if you read the interview this is clear) it is actually more an issue of semantics than pure relativism. As Tony Jones says in the interview:

Emergent surely has people in it who strongly believe that there is absolute truth. I'm on the record as laying out a pretty complex understanding of why I think putting the qualifier absolute in front of truth is a modernistic fallacy. Truth is not qualified by adjectives like absolute. So for me personally, talking about absolute truth is a nonsensical way to talk, and surely Christian theologians shouldn't talk in that way. It isn't helpful, because it doesn't make sense.

Now, where he is going with that is deeper and in a slightly different direction from my current thoughts.

I am currently living in a small town working at a church that is 3 parts old-fashioned Nova Scotian conservative. Most of the church-goers have never even heard of Emergent, Relevant Magazine, Tony Jones, or even Brian McLaren. In fact, most probably don't have a good grasp on postmodernism or relativism. So, with such a crowd, obviously denouncing the adjective "absolute" when in conjunction with "truth" wouldn't fly, right?

In conscious practice, that's correct. Culturally, however, these small-towners (especially the church-goers) are far more postmodern than they realize. You see, though the local 'credo' may tote precepts like "foundational" and "fundamental" the daily interactions and communication are constant re-creations and re-interpretations of things that may or may not be true in some sense (sounds pretty relativistic to me).

The only reason, however, that this sounds odd for a small town is, again, because of semantics. In small-town culture, it's not called "relativism," it's called "the rumor-mill" (but it adds up to the same thing). A warning I received just after we got here was that sometimes people will tell you things that seem to be true (and, indeed, they will project it as such) but may be so corrupt in details or layered in opinion that either it isn't true or I need to sift through the "messenger's" paradigm to get a sense of what is "probable" truth. Of course, I performed such a "sifting" experiment on the very warning-givers and, hence, came to blog about it.

Further down this rabbit-hole I would like to discuss the idea plagiarism as well as my thoughts on 'purpose-driving' youth ministry. However, since the sun rises in the East it sets there earlier. It's late. Maybe I'll do a part two.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

"This is not a love song..."

"...it's a sonnet."

Music is unbelievable. It has such power to enrage, impassion, encourage, and even annoy.

Lately I've been listening to a guy that goes by the moniker Matisyahu. He's a Hasidic Jew (curls, beard, hat, scarf, and all) who does reggae (very well, I might add). I know, I know, you've already heard about him and I've missed the boat; Well, my point is I like his music and his lyrics are great and deeply spiritual. Here is a link to a video of a live performance.

Besides Matisyahu, I've been listening to K-Os, Gnarls Barkley, Deleriou5, and Simon & Garfunkel. Click here.

[Don't forget to subscribe.]

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Presenting...

Subscription service on my Blog!
No, it doesn't mean you have to pay to read my blog. If you look on the right-hand tool-bar of "my profile," "links", "archives," etc., at the bottom is now a simple form to subscribe via email. Basically, like community newsletters and such, you can now have your email inform you when I've posted something new rather than find out for yourself.
And... it is easy to unsubscribe--just hold onto the confirmation email or follow the instructions and make your password something you can remember. The service I used for this is called "bloglet" so (*especially hotmail users*) make sure the updates don't disappear into your junkmail box.
Let me know if you are having difficulties. Otherwise, this link will take you to the form.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

"The cars hiss by my window..."

"...like the waves down on the beach..."

Ok... so, who am I? Perhaps it is just coincidence that a picture no longer shows up in the "My photo" box on the right, but I would like to ask the question with a degree of seriousness.

I just read a bit of the beginning of the book Starving Jesus and what is sticking in my mind isn't his rebellion against church but his history as a youth pastor and Christian upbringing. Sounds like someone I know. And you know what, it's getting me thinking. Out here in the megacity of Oxford I'm still getting my feet wet as to who I'm ministering to and receiving from, how I should go about doing ministry, and what I should actually do. The church here is progressive in some ways and conservative in others and I'm cool with that. But reading this bit of reflection is stirring me up a little. I'm not saying that I don't want to pastor--cause I do. I'm not saying I'm going to look back on these years and shake my head--I'm sure I will regarding many of my screw-ups but I hope to have a good experience overall. What I'm saying is I am quite postmodern in the way I think, like to rock the boat to uncover the true motives and agenda, and can be obsessively non-conformist. I don't want to stilfe these elements of me and just "do church." At the same time, a lot of the things that feed my personality are not naturally a part of small town culture.

However, there is something in the air at night in Oxford (besides the rank smell of the local frozen food plant cleaning out the old onion rings) that stirs my soul and makes me want to roar. I just want to yell from a precipice "Awake, O sleeper! Rise up from the dead!" I've felt such before... and I like it.

I want to do great things. Really, most of us do. I don't know if what I think is great now is what I will achieve--and frankly, God's got dibs on the truly great designs--but I refuse to just be or just act or even just do. It's total cliche from my high school days, but I've gotta "live the life" in way more ways than I understood back in 1997. Curiously, that phrase reminds me of Mike Farrow: a dear friend who has been gone for two years now and whose memory (along with others) spurns me on in hope.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Ode to the Modern Prometheus

That's right folks. I finally read the great Romantic novel of Frankenstein and I definately recommend it. Apparantly I really like 19th Century Gothic fiction. Anyway...

Well, this isn't really an ode to poor Victor or his creature--more a venue to announce that we have arrived (8 days ago) in the Blueberry Capital of Canada. It is here that I will endeavour to be a youth pastor.

Oxford is an interesting little town. Actually, it is quite busy for only being 1300 people (and pretty much being a one-industry town: Oxford Frozen Foods). But we feel right at home here. Friendliness is a key maritime trait. That and the accent (which is definately stronger here than in Halifax/Dartmouth).

So, again I have little to say. But don't worry, I've been filling my WIDOLIF and sketching ideas for short and long fiction (with such influences as those I have been reading). And with that, I'm off...

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Time is Nigh

Well, folks... I'm going offline for a spell here. In just over 8 hours some people are coming to pick up our stuff and move it out east and the computer is going with it. So, even though I have blogged far less than while in school, this time I'm giving a notice of downtime.
I'm working on a short story that I will post soon and I will also have plenty to blog about when I reach Nova Scotia. For now, however, this is i-... ----Oops, too soon. Ok, now!

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Beyond Cartesian

I'm a big supporter of thinking (and, of course, the arts). The different processes people use to think, how they think, why they think, what I think of what they think... Fran just interrupted my train of thought (should've taken the bus anyway). Hmm... if "I think, therefore I am," if I don't think or perhaps get distracted what am I? Would not thinking before speaking be an exercise in futility or non-existence? ...do you understand my interest (or obsession) in thinking, yet?

Most modernists would point to Rene Descartes as one of the most significant influences on modern thought. However, I think most people would hold to feelings (emotions and experiences) as their cue to reality. Y'know, "I feel, therefore I am."

I just finished reading The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins. A very well written and intriguing mystery. I found it fascinating, however, how many of the characters were completely sold out to science (including one who was both cursed and employed by science). Not that this was all that bad, but there seemed to be an unrelenting faith in rational thought and reason. It was written in the middle of the 19th century in the midst of burgeoning modernism so maybe Collins was a sold-out rationalist (like the aforementioned character, Collins was also cursed with a reliance on opium). However, I'm not convinced that this is so. You see, the characters that are the most logically minded, though they figure large pieces of the puzzle out, make fatal errors in their deductions because they lack a personal connection to certain events. Also, the most noteworthy character in the book, an old butler, has a curious philosophy throughout that condemns logic on a few occasions.

So, where on earth am I going with this? I'm not really sure. In some ways I'm just exploring my own thought process with the hope that some of you will comment and I can explore yours too. At the same time, I've been reflecting lately on the value of thinking and its relationship to feeling. I think (or feel) that I am just mentally (or emotinally) preparing myself for Oxford.

On another unrelated note, check out this guy.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Further Up and Further In

I don't like (in fact, I detest) using the "God told me" card. I just don't like to use it (probably because it is overused and abused). However, paying careful attention to the leading of God in our lives is fundamental to the Christian identity. And that is where I am at now...

Fran and I have just accepted a youth pastorship position in the booming metropolis of Oxford, Nova Scotia. After visiting a couple churches in Ontario and much prayer and consideration, I honestly believe that God has called us to this remote mission field. And you know what; it's good.

So why the Lewisian quote? Well, I feel like an unconscious Reepicheep slowly waking up to the direction I am called. Life lately has been distracting, stressful, and somewhat unsafe. However, despite it all, I have been carried further up and further in. I didn't think I was progressing very much in my deeper life but now I realize I have been carried along. Left to my own devices I would not be a good candidate for any pastorship, yet I'm not left alone.

This is going to be a long blog (hey, it has been a while).

I'd like to give a shout-out to my buddy Steve Adam. Got to see him briefly in Ontario. Steve is the type of guy that if we have no communication for months (or sometimes longer) we can just dive into conversation the next time our paths cross. Steve is also a kindred thinker to myself. It's refreshing to discover that our thoughts are heading in similar directions when our paths do cross.

Life is bittersweet. Jack Johnson says it well:

Down the middle drops one more
Grain of sand
They say that
New life makes losing life easier to understand
Words are kind
They helped ease the mind
Of this, my old friend
And though you gotta go
We'll keep a piece of your soul
One comes out
One comes in
While in Ontario my grandmother suffered a stroke and passed shortly thereafter. In the same timespan a longtime friend of mine got married to a wonderful woman. All the while, my wife and I were considering where to settle next and continuing to anticipate our coming addition. Kind of a soul/road-mark period. Just before the wedding Fran and I (and my immediate family) were able to visit my grandmother. The effects of the stroke were obvious. And yet, I have rarely seen such joyful surprise in someone's eyes as I did in hers when we told her we are expecting. I am at peace with her passing. There is both sadness and relief in the thought (there is also a tinge of both in moving to Oxford). No one writes poetry so beautiful as the crafter of the universe.

Neither does anyone do humor quite so well... so make sure to get your very own "Green Prosperity Handkerchief" here.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Tetelestai!

It is finished! At least, most likely. Today I wrote the last exam of my undergraduate career, I hope. They'll let me know before I walk across the stage at graduation.
It felt good to be done. Why the past tense? Well, when I finished my exam (which was in Greek exegesis in case you didn't catch the title) I suddenly realized there was no more school to worry about. It wasn't like I had just finished major project and had a week or two till the next one. Rather, I don't do schoolwork anymore! Well, at least not until I get nostalgic and go for my masters.
But why the past tense? Well, the elation lasted till I went for lunch when I realized that now it is on to finding a job and taking care of my home. Speaking of which...
We are out of the red zone now (3 months) and I heard the heartbeat today so I feel free to broadcast this information: Fran is pregnant! We are due Canadian Thanksgiving. So, yeah, life picks up again after an exam rather quickly and reminds me it has barley begun.
I don't really have anything significant to say tonight (well, I probably do but I don't feel like it), so I'll just leave this post with a sigh of relief and expectation. *sigh*

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

A spectre is haunting the West...

...the spectre of Christianity. All the powers of old self—selfishness, fear, hate, indifference—have entered into an unholy alliance to exorcise this spectre.

Where is the left wing that has not been decried as "rampant liberalism" by its opponents in power? Where is the opposition that has not hurled back the branding reproach of "closed-minded Christian", against the ruling right wing, as well as against its reactionary adversaries?

Two things result from this fact:

  • The Christian Church is already acknowledged by all powers to be itself a power.

  • It is high time that Christians should openly, in the face of the whole world, make known their views, their aims, their tendencies [with honesty] and meet this nursery tale of the spectre of Christianity with a manifesto of the faith itself.

To this end, I will put forth what I have come to understand about the relationship between Christianity and Western Culture in their divergence and commonality of language and purpose.


The Terms:

Christianity

Christianity has long been known among the West—saddled with the forming and authoring of nations and constitutions. Long has the spattering of brands and sects of this ancient institution peppered the landscape of the Western world
In this third millennium of Christianity three things have become disturbingly clear:

  • The specifics of it are more lore than tenets to the greater population.

  • The character of Christ and the reputation of his 'followers' are too often at odds.

  • In private the message is 'go' but in public 'mum's' the word.

'Christianity' refers to an institution of faith in one God, creator of everything, who provided redemption for 'His' creation by becoming a man, dying on a cross, and defeating the grave. All who put their faith in him are justified in God's sight and sanctified by 'His' Holy Spirit. It is through this distinct event that Christianity is more than just belief, for faith without action is death. Action is faith expressing itself through love—active love for the community of Christ and lost humanity.

Culture

Culture, as categorization, is highly ambiguous. We are to believe that it is a common goal, or perhaps a set of values; a proximity or family ties. Culture can be as broad as the entire global and historical scope of humanity. In the same breath it can be parsed down to the individual. Such frames of reference guarantee the paradoxical task of defining broad reality and truth from within paradigms and filters of perspective.

By definition, 'culture' is alive. Its cultivation is progressive though mostly unconscious. It represents humanity moving from an origin toward a goal. That goal is determined by the journey. The journey is where we are now. Our fate, then, and the delimiting of culture is a unity of personality expressed in community. It is the shape and values of community, therefore, that navigates humanity and not all roads lead to 'Rome.'


The Problems Rethought:

Christianity and Culture as Indistinct

Christianity intersects culture at all levels of perception and classification. Indeed, we cannot understand Christ outside of culture which is intentional in the Incarnation. However, the goal and direction of Christians and the wider culture are ultimately divergent.

How, then, has the flock dissolved into the landscape? Why, then, is 'Christian' synonymous with 'American' or 'Canadian?' Where did the heirs of an eternal kingdom fall unconscious like the sleepwalkers around them? Indeed, what hope have we to offer the lost if none can tell us apart?

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world! Rather, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and understand what God's will is—His good, pleasing, and perfect will. The same will that brought all into existence and carries us past the end. Christ-followers, I implore you, live and move and have your being as children of an eternal promise. Not wandering, by ourselves or as an organism, but set on a purpose, calling those who would listen to do the same.

Christianity and Culture as Disconnected

It is purpose, therefore, that carves the division between Christianity and Culture. Separate paths with separate ends—different vehicles and navigation. Who, then, could condemn the enmity so readily present between faith and the world? Should not our ties be superficial at best? Heaven forbids!

Have we so assuredly broken communication with surrounding culture? As strangers in a foreign land, do we refuse the vernacular? Why, then are we here? Would not retreat have come long ago? It is that separate means and end that hold us here. Our purpose, the thing that defines us, is the very reason for our habitation among the peoples of the world!

Be, therefore, all things to all people that by all possible means we might save some. It is the good news of Christ that sets us apart and for which we are all things. To the French, be French. To the German, be German. To the English, be English. If there are poor, bear the burden of poverty. If there are wise, gird yourself in shrewdness. Be clear in social belief and understanding, not shirking in avoidance or assuming success.

It is for this reason we have been given Christ the word, and for that word we have been hated for we, like that word, are not the same as the world. Hence, we should not abandon the world but pray we do not lose hope.

Syncretism and Symbiosis

Christianity and Culture are both distinct and necessary in regard to one another. Christians must live with eternal purpose that dictates both their character—nonconformity—and their empathy—love for people.

As with the Incarnation of Christ, we have not existed apart from culture nor are our origin and conclusion of this world. To what degree, then, can these two entities of faith and wider humanity exist?

Separation and enmity are clearly impossible and unfaithful. But to what alternative can we turn? In blending these polarities it is too easy a thing to annihilate their identities and create a new substance. This is the danger of syncretism. If, then, we can neither rage against each other nor dissolve identities what can be done?

The answer, as I see it, is in an allusion of nature. When two organisms live in such close proximity that they cannot be easily separated it is termed symbiosis. The clear difference between symbiosis and syncretism is that though interdependence is inextricably woven into the symbiotic relationship, the members’ identities are preserved.

Thus, we must be aware of those areas of interdependence for which the symbiotic relationship is of greatest value. However, we must always be on guard to protect the distinct identity of our faith in this foreign land.


The Church:

Church Universal

This is the body of our lord Christ already past, holding firm in the present, and owning the future. We are not separated by the ages, languages, or classifications of our persons. Indeed, we are what Culture was meant to be. Baptism is our public declaration of this family of faith. In communion we meet in remembrance of our Lord's sacrifice. As part of the Church catholic we may not go through life obsessed with petty and temporal things, rather ancient and eternal glory.

Local Church

It is as an outstretched hand of the body of Christ—the Church catholic—that the local church stands. We are the ambassadors of a longstanding culture with everlasting endurance. The church must hold to the ideals of this faith community, protecting and promoting them. But never are we to be a cloistered group or secret club who only exists to preserve identity in the shadowlands. Yes, we are set apart. However, distinction is found in our lifestyle. Our lifestyle is born out of character. Our character must be shaped by love. That love is to reach out as an ancient and benevolent hand.

Individual Disciple

There is no rulebook of personality, but there is character to be attained to. There is no dictation of styles and preferences, but there are better ways to communicate Christ than others. 'Everything is permissible' but not everything is beneficial. Should we sin that grace would increase? Foolishness! We are free from the bondage of sin and the law, but real faith is not dormant. It is a faith that is alive—more so than any culture—it breaths life.

Therefore, hope in the eternal promise. Be aware of where we have come from and, indeed, a part of that heritage. Here and now set out for the task of Christ that we might accomplish the work of the future kingdom in our days.

All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Jesus Christ. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything he has commanded us. And surely he is with us always, to the very end of the age.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

"It's gotta be the shoes"

That is, if New Balance count. Hey, at least they're mostly 'fair-trade' friendly. Anyway, yeah, I finally got new shoes (and just in time for spring). Well, as Thomas Stearns once said:

    April is the cruelest month, breeding
    Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
    Memory and desire, stirring
    Dull roots with spring rain.
    Winter kept us warm, covering
    Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
    A little life with dried tubers.

Would you like a film recommendation? Of course you would. How about one that addresses some of the culture-clash topics of Lost in Translation with a more interesting (and quirky) story and far more tangible theme? Well, you've come to the right place, my friend.
This week's recommendation was directed by Liev Schreiber and stars Elijah Wood and a bunch of great Ukrainian actors. It's a film based on the autobiographical work of the same name, Everything is Illuminated. A wonderfully beautiful and sad film. It attempted (and, I think, succeeded) to portray the beautiful light of life in the midst of the horrific reality of memory. It also made an interesting comment on the state and connection of things. At one point the characters are trying to understand why Augustine buried her wedding ring and conclude that she did it so someone, someday, might find it. Her sister, Lista, contradicts them and says that the ring was not buried for them to find but they came and found it because it was buried. Sort of a 'fate/connection' idea. Anyway, go rent it!

Well, I'm going to do the 'LiveJournal' thing and tell you what media (other than the aforementioned film) I am 'into' right now. As far as music goes, I've been listening to a little Bedouin Soundclash. As far as literature, Macabre short stories like The Alchemist and The Pit and the Pendulum (which validates this posting because it contains a literary 'Deus Ex Machina'). Best current reading, though, is 1 Peter. It's good stuff.

{BTW, my blog now has its own domain: www.jonloch.com}

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Blogging in a Suit

Well, sort of. I ditched the jacket and tie a while ago thanks to the warm sunny weather. But it's fun to wear a suit sometimes. I preached my second sermon in Homiletics class today (hence the attire).

And wearing a suit got me to thinking... most 'movies' out there assume their audiences are idiots (well, I don't know if I thought this because I was wearing a suit or not).
Take Dante's Peak. As this person so humorously points out, Dante's Peak assumes we are all complete morons. The worst of this (IMO) is the 'boat scene.' You see, our heroes are trying to escape the volcano by crossing a lake in a metal boat. Upon observation that all the fish are dead (but intact) and smoking holes are forming in the bottom of the boat, Brosnan's character points out that "Volcanic activity has turned the lake to acid. " Ok, fine. We know what the acid is doing, now move along. Nope... Hamilton's seemingly useless character remarks in startled epiphany, "ACID EATS METAL!!!" Oh, really??? I didn't make that connection(!)

But seriously, suits are cool! I mean, I don't have a gun or a fedora right now, but I can pretend.
Anyway, another reason you should go see V for "Vendetta" is because it doesn't treat you like an idiot. There are plenty of allusions and hints that most will miss, but they don't hold your hand and clue you in. That's up to you.

BTW, I finally received my first copy of Relevant Magazine (as well as my Alberta Resource Check--good trade: $400 to put towards paying for health care or donate to the crumbling schools or roadways).

Saturday, March 18, 2006

V for "Valhalla" [of film]

"This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-Ã -vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."
V for Vendetta is THE film to see! Wow! I saw it on opening night (March 17) and it is simply Wonderful [pronounce the German "W" for full effect]. A masterpiece of cinematography, writing, acting, plot, action, character, atmosphere, and every other ingredient of a great film! If you haven't heard of it yet start with the trailers here. If you want a brief synopsis of the film, just Google it.

As to how this film fits with the overarching theme of this blog...
First, WHO CARES?! Its a must see and the redeemer of graphic novel to film adaptations.
Second, I care. If you wanted a film that addresses change, culture, faith, measure of character & cause, and the struggle of being in the world and [perhaps] not of it, this is the film to see. The fact that "V" is such a dark and problematic hero (ie: the fact that he is a terrorist and an assassinn) adds to the depth of these themes.

The only problem is now there is no point in making my screenplay into a film.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Looking for le mot juste

So, a screenplay? One that allegorizes the desire to be 'in' the world but not 'of' it? Perhaps one that challenges the validity of that idiom? Regardless, that was the assignment, so here we go...

For those of you in my Christianity & Culture class this will actually be new to you since I never ended up reading my pitch (nor did two others, but its ok). Well, just as well. Mine was quite possibly the darkest of all the ideas. You see, my idea was steeped in symbolism and metaphorical value, but on the surface could be hard to interpret (like when people insist that Signs was about aliens). But enough of this, on to the movie film!

It is mid-afternoon on Labour Day, 1837. Henry de La Poer Beresford and his foolhardy companions head out on a fox hunt near Melton Mowbray, England. After much success they happened upon a shed which they entered searching for more liquor but found only copious amounts of red paint for farm use. Known for doing anything for a bet, Henry and his chums splatter the paint on buildings up and down High Street giving birth to a new idiom.

So began (or continued) the revelry and daredevil antics of Henry and his 'friends' into London. Not long after their 'artistic venture' one of the group dared him to don a 'devil mask' and spook some random fool. So, hiding in a cemetery they waited for their 'prey.' Conveniently an older businessman was returning late from work along their path. As he passed the group hoisted Henry on the wall from which he leaped on the man. Full of adrenaline from the ambush and satisfied with the effect of terror, Henry sprinted off into the night only to meet up with his friends at a club. And so we have the first documented encounter with the strange leaping 'terror' nick-named "Springheel Jack" by the London Times.

Well, a successful prank, eh? Oh, but it was more than that. You see, the terror imbibed and dispensed that night had thrilled Henry beyond what he thought possible. Sure he was a reveler and a playboy, but these were attached to his title (Marquess of Waterford) as were his fairweather friends and romantic successes. Inside Henry hated and despised his crowd. Indeed, he felt perhaps he hated everyone. Maybe he was abused as a child, rejected by a love, putdown for his personality, or all of the above. But he harboured resentment against society even though it was his livelihood.
But "Jack"... in "Jack" he had discovered power. The power to terrorize gave vehicle for his upset.

From here we see the escalation of depravity as Henry becomes more debauch and Jack more licentious and terrifying (a veritable 'Jekyl' and 'Hyde'). Indeed, like a deprave Bruce Wayne and cruel Caped Crusader he created a dark creature with impish features, tall muscular stature, and the ability to leap inhuman distances and heights and even spit blue flame.
Besides the allusions I've already made, this one should be noted.

So, there it is. I think I would go for Robert Rodriguez as director and Daniel Day Lewis for "Jack" if he would be willing to do it (and if the casting agent didn't think he was too old to play 26 year-old Henry).

Friday, March 10, 2006

La Danse Macabre



Lately death, darkness, and humanity have been prevalent themes in my musing. Above is a picture of the "Dance of Death" (click on the picture to learn more). If you look closely you will notice that the dancing spectres are from varying statures and walks of life. The idea of La Danse Macabre is of the universality of death and that it ultimately is the unifying factor of humanity (now I know someone would like to add their thoughts to this post). As Benjamin Franklin said in 1789:

Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.

So, logically, here is the taxman:



(I'll post my "movie-idea" later).

Monday, March 06, 2006

Art & Honesty

Perusing some of my classmates' blogs I am noticing a theme about art & Christianity (no doubt in relation to reading Asher Lev). Particularly the question seems to be in connection to artform and expression regarding worship. How do we judge the value of art (or, indeed, can we) in this context? This would be a simple issue if art was limited to honest self-expression that edifies the body of Christ. However, is art really art if it is limited?
So what are we stuck with? Artforms that fit the template of church worship but not necessarily the soul of the artist? Artistic expression that is deep and honest but inappropriate or even vulgar to the worship community? Obviously this is not always the case, but it is a real conflict. Guaranteed there are many whose opinions fall blatantly and firmly on either side of this fence. But what about those of us in the middle? Is there a balance to be found? Or should we stop straddling the fence because of the barbed-wire?
Click here for a somewhat similar question
.

Now, speaking of honesty, I recently watched The Big Kahuna with Kevin Spacey and Danny DeVito. One of the main themes in the film is honesty (ie: in character). Well worth watching if you don't mind expletives and the stageplay style (the style worked for me). It is about 3 salesman at various stages in life. The youngest, "Bob," is a nervous and conservative Christian who cannot resist proselytizing. The oldest, "Phil" (DeVito), is like "Willy Loman" with hope. The catalyst in the middle, "Larry" (Spacey), is so many people I know. Basically, put these 3 in a room for 24 hours, shake and serve. Regarding honesty, Phil says:

It doesn't matter whether you're selling Jesus or Buddha or civil rights or 'How to Make Money in Real Estate With No Money Down.' That doesn't make you a human being; it makes you a marketing rep. If you want to talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are - just to find out, for no other reason. Because as soon as you lay your hands on a conversation to steer it, it's not a conversation anymore; it's a pitch.
Well, what do you think?

One more thought and thing to ponder (and comment on): the words of Oscar Wilde -
Life imitates art far more than art imitates Life.


Thursday, March 02, 2006

3pm thoughts

No particular point to this post. Just doing my civic duty of taking a mental 'dump' on the side of the information superhighway. Actually, this is one of the few ways for the ideas spewing forth in my head to escape today (and yesterday). I think I have laryngitis. However, it has been both a frustrating and refreshing experience to not be able to speak. Kind of like a 'listening bootcamp.'

Anyway, check out this article and let me know what you think. Not just about the 'mark-O-the-beast' stuff but about the increasing publicity of our lives through the privitization of technology.

Also, in keeping with the theme of some of the movies I watched last week, check out this guy:
Springheel Jack
Name: Springheel Jack. Status: Legend.
I think I might try writing a screenplay based on this guy (though I've never tried such before) especially since there is very little beyond 'penny dreadfuls' that have been about him. (the guy in the picture that fell over looks kind of like Leo).

Friday, February 17, 2006

Roman computer gods and you!

2 weeks ago, in the class for which I began this blog, we watched “How Should We Then Live?” by Francis Schaffer. That was all fine and somewhat humorous at times. Yesterday I was cross-referencing the term “Deus Ex Machina” (the new title of my blog—it means “god from the machine”) and all its various interpretations when I came across Cooper's Law. Simply put it says that “all machines are amplifiers.” Today I had an epiphany.

You see, I picked “Deus Ex Machina” as the new title to suggest the literary usage (sudden inexplicable resolution to an impossibility) as well the idea of blogging to explore Christianity (think about it: God from the machine/computer). Anyway, Cooper's Law is also a literary device (particularly in sci-fi) that says that any piece of predominant technology (especially advanced-tech) in literature serves as an amplification to human persona and, quite possibly, as a deus ex machina.

So, what about Francis? Well, at one point he says that the pagan gods of the Romans, like the Greeks before them, were simply amplified humanity: "Their gods depended upon the society that had made them and when this society collapsed the gods tumbled with it.”

Do you see where I'm going with this? Two notable thinkers from completely different spectrums (Schaffer a Christian historian and Cooper, well he either invented the cell phone or wrote some books) coming up with similar devices. Schaffer + Cooper = Techno-deity. I might be completely misinterpreting these two by comparing them. Either way, it made me think.

What do you think? Has our modernistic techno-saturated science-worshipping knowledge-junky culture developed its own pantheon? I know what G.K. Chesterton thought:

"When men stop believing in God they don't then believe in nothing, they believe in anything!"

Friday, February 10, 2006

The Dichotomy of 'Man'

I've alluded to this idea before. It's what I meant when I said "...neo-platonic dichotomism and its affect on the culturally disenfranchised west...." What does that actually mean?

When you think of humanity in the realm of the individual, do you think of a whole person or a makeup of different elements (ie: body, spirit, mind/soul)? Does the way you live (or the way others live) match the way you think? Whether it does or not, which perspective does it reflect?

I would argue that most of us in the West (ie: North America, not specifically cowboy-west), whichever way we would pose to understand our makeup, live as though we are, in essence, a conglomeration of different parts. This is dichotomism (or trichotomism). This, I believe, is linked back to neo-platonism which elevates the psuche ('mind/soul') and/or the pneuma ('spirit') above the soma ('body'). That is, neo-platonists believe (and believe that Plato believed) that the physical world is just a shell for the true essence of humanity: the mental/spiritual.

So what?! What does this actually mean? Well, Western culture (largely perpetuated by Western Christendom alongside re-elevation of the mind in Modernity) has bought into this fully. Think about it. How many activities or practices or whatever do you actually involve your whole self in?
I'll point out the obvious problematic example in Joe Christian:
-Joe works for a construction company (mainly physical, somewhat mental)
-Joe takes night school to get a better job (almost entirely mental)
-Joe goes to church on Sunday (spiritual) but leaves his faith at the door on his way out and goes home to eat nachos and watch football (physical and mental only).

Obviously I'm exaggerating the case but I think you get my point.

Alright, what's the resolve? From my example you may point out that 'Joe' just needs to pray more during the week to have more 'spiritual' existence/exercise (kind of like 'walking the spiritual dog'). Ok, maybe. But I pointed out the neo-platonic idea for a reason. Yes, 'Joe' is spiritually starved, but isolating his other 'elements' isn't good for him either. If you were to ask 'Joe' what he considered to be the most important part of his being, being a 'good Christian' he would answer his spirit. In fact, I bet most of us would order our importance as spirit, mind, then body (whether we practice that or not).

So here's my point: God made us as whole individuals. In fact, he made us as parts of a larger whole of community too. I will not argue against the idea that we have different elements (the Bible can attest to the existence of both physical and metaphysical) but I will not buy into the idea that we should keep said parts quartered off from each other. Good athletes will tell you that the game is just as much mental (or perhaps even more so) as it is physical. Think about that. What if our worship services engaged our body/mind/spirit deeply throughout? How about our 'menial' jobs? What about (*soapbox alert*) eating?!?! Imagine a meal where our bodies were comfortable and being fed and our minds and spirits were engaged with each other in 'conversation' and thankfulness to God.

For more on 'holism' see 'the Bible' (especially any parts written by someone who had any degree of a 'Hebrew' connection).

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Dag, yo!

So, I just tried on a new template for my blog and, [insert expletive here], lost my links. Huh. Well, I'll fix that later. So, how'she look?

Well, I just perused through the other blogs from amongst the fine folks in my 'Christianity and [Western (so far)] Culture' Class. And you know what I realized? The rest of you have stayed right alongside the weekly material. Well, good for you!

But, you know what? I think that's ok. I'm just writing the way my thought pattern delineates. I may not address the exact same issues as everybody else but I'm not too worried.

Hmm. What's with all the dead links???

Try clicking here.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Man Found on Road: Ned!

...so, perhaps I should add some detail to my last two posts (1, 2)...
Well, if you read the one and watched/listened to the other you are probably getting some idea of some of my ideals. I'm ecologically minded (can't say 'ecologist' since I don't have the appropriate studies under my belt and 'environmentalist' is to sterile). I'm also a supporter of the opensource/free culture movement (which you would have gathered if you had checked out "Free Mickey"). Add these to other elements of my polity and you quickly realize I'm somewhat of a "gen-x hippie" (though, that may be a redundant title).

I wont bother to get into free culture movement (seriously, Free Mickey should be enough to inform and convince you). And as far as Christian ecology goes Scripture and the ramifications of this guy, this guy, and this guy should be enough.
So, perhaps I haven't added all that much detail to my previous 2 posts (other than more hyperlinks... surprise).

Oh well. My point was more of simple clarification. As is common with me, however, clarification is rarely simple and never clear. How about this: I promise to blog about neo-platonic dichotomism and its affect on the culturally disenfranchised west sometime within the next two weeks (or whatever).

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Creation Care

As introduction (and caveat) to this blog entry let me first say that I'm fairly passionate about this issue. Let me 'second' [sic] say that my blog entries are best viewed using Mozilla Firefox WebBrowser. The main reason is because I use so many blasted links! With Firefox, if you press 'ctrl' when you click on a link it opens up in a new 'tab' (the same thing happens if you click your wheelmouse button on a link). VERY handy for reading an article full of links you would like to check out without going back and forth forever. (That, and it just works better than Internet Explorer).

70% of China's fresh water is undrinkable! (I'm sure this didn't help). Check here and here for more info.

Well, this is good news!
Funny, the world's top scientists have been making this case for years (probably close to 50 now) and it took a terrorist backed government being elected to finally 'tip' the iceberg [bad pun and allusion intentional].

I'll hold back and stop linking to global environmental problems (oops!), but I would like to make a point of all this. That is, what is the Christian response? First, should our perspective be shaped by our faith or is this purely a non-spiritual issue (like wearing a red rather than blue sweater-vest). I think it's significantly more important than cardigans. Ok, then what is the faith response? I see three possible responses:
1. Ignore it--don't care
I'm not even going to bother refuting that position! The consequences are obvious.
2. Interpret Genesis 1:28 as "domination" or "despotic rule" and generally hold disdain for the earth. Hey, the world is evil, right? And it's all going to be destroyed in the end anyway, right?
May I suggest reading Revelation 11:18b? Did you even know the Bible said that?
3. Interpret Genesis 1:28 as "benevolent rule" or "stewardship" and drop the neo-platonic undertones that have cursed Christian communities since the days of Paul.
But what responsibility does that then leave us? Check this book out for a start.

However, there is another responsibility. That is that taking on a holistic (and fundamentally Hebraic) view of God's Creation automatically gets you labeled a heretic and "New Age Sympathizer" by folks in response #2. (I suppose they wouldn't be particularly fond of this book!). However, the issue of syncretism and symbiosis is for another entry. So is the nature of Christian holism. I'd better leave this topic for now, but please comment.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Worth Watching

There are three pieces of media that I have enjoyed and glistened in tonight. I highly recommend anyone check them out.

The first was a music video by Sigur Ros: Glósóli
It is a very beautiful and artistic video (as theirs always are) but I won't spoil it by breaking it down and filleting its message (it may not even have one). I just liked it a lot and what it made let me think muse.

The second was a movie we rented: Millions
It is a British film that tells a story about two brothers who find a bag full of cash and how that all plays out. Part of the premise is that "E-Day" is coming (the day when all British Pounds are converted to Euros and old paper money becomes useless--the movie was made before Britain backed out of that plan) and the brothers have very little time with which to use the money. Anyway, I will not give away any more. Just go get it. I know it is classed as a "Family" title and, therefore, assumed to be childish but it really is a beautiful film and well worth it (more child-like than childish anyway).

Finally, another music video. Johnny Cash: Hurt
A very interesting video that is actually a Nine Inch Nails cover. The line "and you could have it all, my empire of dirt" with images of golden records and icons of fame in disarray caused me to think. I might just buy this album.
"Everyone I know goes away in the end" --The Man in Black/NIN

Friday, January 20, 2006

...it begins

I am a perfectionist. I like things just so. My first blog weblog entry sets the tone for the rest of my writing. I need to be both pithy and witty, preferably at the same time.
You see (or perhaps you don't), introductions were never my strong suit (or casual wear). So, instead of endlessly procrastinating for a time I have begun my entries talking about how it can be difficult to start things (especially if they must be just so).
Sure... I'm taking a risk as to where this entry will direct the rest and I know as soon as I press "post" I'll be unhappy with it. But, in this case, perseverance and sarcasm have defeated perfectionism and self-consciousness (though ironically this is an experiment in my consciousness of self). Besides, this is a blog! Have you (meaning me--now I'm on to self-talk) seen what some (most) people post out there?! I mean, c'mon! Why not add my voice to the digital din of chaotic musings and reflections.
Ah, now there is something: reflection. I don't care what CNN says about weblogging (they're just jealous of the responsible reporting going on), It has provided a venue for reflection. True, it is up to you (still meaning me) how deep or relative you are, but in this mass-sieve-media-saturated-techno-dominated culture of ours, it is curious to see such an ancient necessity--personal reflection--in the midst of the Internet of all places!
Well, there you go. Just when I thought I had nothing to say but the nothing I had to say, I end up reflecting on reflection. I'll try this again later...